


Fifteen Seconds (or, Dying in Space)

by 221Charcoal



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alien Invasion, Angst, Conflict, Countdown, Gen, Hero Complex, Last Thoughts, Last words, Minor Swearing, Mortality, Near Death Experiences, Outer Space, Science Fiction, Soldiers, Space Battles, Stream of Consciousness, Unhappy Ending, War, unnamed Protagonist - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28158330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221Charcoal/pseuds/221Charcoal
Summary: In an ongoing conflict between two planets, an unnamed lieutenant is forced to reconcile himself with his own mortality as he finds himself seconds from death, suspended without a helmet in deep space.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Kudos: 5





	Fifteen Seconds (or, Dying in Space)

**00:15**

One does not choose the moment when they are going to die. In my experience, it sneaks up on them. One moment a fellow is carrying on, whistling happily, and the next his brains are plastered against a wall. All he gets is a moment's pause to think, "Holy shit. I am going to die." Then nothing more.

So here I am: 26 years old, a lieutenant in the United Federation's planetary defence, flying directly into a swarm of Tetharyk fighters, and all I can think is, "Holy shit. I am going to die." This mission is suicide. 'Get to the mothership,' they said. 'Knock out their defenses for the wave of bombers behind you.' They made it sound so simple. Like a four piece jigsaw puzzle. Like, if you screw this up, you guys will be the laughingstocks of the galaxy. They didn't mention the hordes of fighters that would be our greeting committee. They didn't mention how many of our brothers would fall with the first wave. I think they knew that we would object.

Over the coms, I hear Skylar, my wingman, whisper, "Holy shit," as the alien crafts swoop down on us. He doesn't dare to finish the statement.

**00:14**

The view port before me is alight - blossoming red and bathing me in an unholy crimson. The Tethari. In a moment, the glass will shatter. The barrage of lasers will vaporize my skull and move on through the back of my seat.

It's a surreal feeling, knowing I will be dead in a second. I think for a moment that I ought to object. That would be right of a soldier - right of a patriot. Go down swinging. Open the double barreled cannons and die in a blaze of glory screaming, "Gods bless the Federation! May it reign in peace and torment for all eternity!"

Yet, all I can think is, "Holy shit. I am going to die," followed by a new realization, "I don't want to die."

**00:13**

Death is coming at me too quick. The lasers strike the field across my cockpit, illuminating the invisible shield a harsh, bright blue. I squint against the colors.

My hand tilts to the side, guiding the steering hilt, attempting to divert.

Skylar's words are a shouted jumble in my ear. He has ducked left. Several Tetharyk fighters pull away to pursue.

I don't want to die. I have survived so much. The war has raged on for months. I am a hero. I have shaken the hands of generals and governors. I am blessed by dozens of the gods. I am a hero. Heroes do not die.

But how to live? How to avoid this sudden slap in the face from Fate? Where are the angels, the Guardians of the Universe when you need them anyhow? What is the point of the gods if they do not listen?

**00:12**

There's an explosion, I think. Everything goes white, then red, then black. I wonder for a moment if I am dead. Then, I remember the shield. And I watch it crumble away. There is a hairline crack in my reality. The view port glass. Like the root system of a tree, it expands and branches. The canopy shatters into crystalline shards. My hand reaches subconsciously for the buckle across my chest.

Holy shit. I am going to die.

**00:11**

The air rushes from my body, sucked out of every pore. Pain blossoms against the side of my head, but I am numb. An overwhelming night is crushing in on all sides. The com is silent, but, in my head, I can hear Skylar screaming my name.

I don't want to die.

**00:10**

There is no sound in space.

It's eerie.

Of course, it's also common knowledge. You find that out fairly quickly when sent to your first orbiting battle station. The older officers, the more experienced fighters - the ones who weren't drafted - like to scare you with the prospect of dying in space. They like to point out that no one will hear your scream.

You are entirely alone.

I don't plan on screaming. That would be ridiculous. Why scream when you can't even breathe?

I am deaf. Mute. Suffocating in darkness. My blood is boiling beneath my skin. I am suspended in an inky black without a helmet. Without a suit. I have fifteen seconds to live. At most. There is no way out of this.

I have lost. I am dying.

**00:09**

Perhaps it is the lack of oxygen, but there is a peace in knowing that the end has come. I view the battle with a hazy mind.

A front row seat. How thoughtful of the Tethari.

To my left, just out of my line of sight there is a brilliant flare of light. White tinged with orange. An explosion - silent and slow.

I wonder if it is or, well, rather was Skylar, burning alive.

There is a lump in my throat. It does not matter. I cannot swallow. My body jerks against the vacuum, fighting for a lungful of anything. It finds nothing. With all my heart, I wish there was something.

**00:08**

Five more explosions ignite across the starfield and disappear in a blink. Twenty fighter crafts have been destroyed. We have been on the field for less than twenty minutes. The dead number almost two thirds of a squadron.

Their names will be checked off of a list. A letter of condolence will be sent to their mothers.

My name will be checked off of that list. My mother will cry. Lords will she cry. I do not think I have ever met a woman who cries so easily as Mother. Every Wednesday, at services, she would cry. She cried when Father died. She cried for months. I wonder how long she will cry for me.

It's alright.

She'll have seen it coming. She told me the last time that I saw her that she prayed for me daily. You do not pray for someone you are sure will survive.

**00:07**

Perhaps it is right that I should die here. I've lived through so much. I think that I thought myself invincible before today.

People died. In every encounter. At least one. It was never me.

Did I mention that they call me a hero? I have shaken the hands of generals and governors. I am blessed by dozens of the gods. I am immortalized in TV broadcasts, articles, and. . .

And hundreds of young men are dead. Why should I not die too?

Let somebody else be the hero.

I've learned my lesson. I am not invincible. I am not untouchable. I am not above the laws of Fate. I am not. . . anything anymore. The haze in my mind grows. My vision is blurred. I am going to pass out. Already, the stars have lost their shine.

**00:06**

I'm sorry, Mother, that I won't be home by summer's end.

I'm sorry, generals, that your war will drag on.

I'm sorry, Skylar, that you will greet me shortly.

I am sorry to all of you.

I am so, so. . .

**00:05**

The stars extinguish.

One by one they blink out of existence.

My eyes roll back.

I am floating.

**00:04**

For a moment,

just a moment,

I am back in my mother's arms.

**00:03**

It is warm there.

Comforting.

Her lips are against my ear.

**00:02**

She's whispering to me.

I feel the tears drip from her nose onto my cheek.

**00:01**

Her words are soft.

Soothing.

"Hush now, my love."

**00:00**

"Sleep now, and I'll wake you."

**Author's Note:**

> Posted originally on Wattpad.


End file.
